Monday, April 09, 2012

Stop your blubbering

Two days ago Jaden and I were discussing Heaven. I don't remember much of the conversation except for his closing statement of, "Wow, that is so crazy that God has a place for us that is even better than here, because I think this world is pretty amazing."

I immediately had two thoughts.
1. Praise God that my son is still innocent and views this world with so much joy.
2. Will I ever feel that way again?

I do enjoy life, but there are times where life feels...heavy.

Tonight I was sitting downstairs watching a movie with the kids. I knew they wouldn't be able to finish it before bedtime and I warned Jaden about this. Parker was exhausted so she ended up crawling into my lap during the movie and falling asleep about a half and hour before bedtime. When bedtime came so came the drama. The short of it is I turned into "I warned you this was going to happen...so don't give me any crap" mom which did not sit well with my oldest...and my youngest woke up and began wailing because she realized she had slept through the sacred bedtime snack and I turned into "stop crying you are driving me nuts" mom which did not sit well with my youngest.

I sent them to bed feeling like a complete failure. Parker continued to wail uncontrollably and no matter where I was in the house I could hear her. I began to pray for wisdom, guidance, deafness...whatever it took to make this horrible sound go away. I knew that giving her what she wanted (a snack) would only wake her body up and keep her from getting the sleep she so desperately needed. I knew I was making the right choice, but it felt awful. I then had a thought (I'm guessing it was an answer to prayer), that maybe I should go into her room and hold her while she cries. I'm not changing the situation, but I can try and comfort her through it.

I did, and after 20 minutes of crying in my arms she laid back down and went into a deep sleep. I realized I wasn't done. I left her room and went to Jaden's room, kissed him on the forehead, accidentally woke him up, and apologized for my attitude.

Normally I buck at the spiritual wrap-up but this was so blaringly clear to me I couldn't avoid it. Here goes it...

If you are paying attention life is heavy. There is pain, sin, and destruction all around. But we have a God who, even if He chooses not to change the circumstances for reasons beyond our understanding, will lovingly hold us through our sobs and cries of injustice.

I tend to view God as the mom (me) who yells,"Just trust me and stop your blubbering." I'm learning ever so slowly how wrong I am. And that gives me joy in this world.

2 comments:

David said...

Suzanne,

God has been teaching me that exact lesson over the last few years. ( I guess I am a bit hard-headed since I still do not seem to get it so often!) Thanks for sharing, I needed the reminder.

Cindy Agnew

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