i'm a grownup now

if you read my husband's blog, you know that our boy is sick. i think i can honestly say this has been one of the hardest things i've had to deal with. everything is upside down since he's been sick. my mornings and nights run together, my eating is all confused and off (as is jaden's), and i have to watch this helpless creature suffer before my eyes without being able to help him. he's so little. he just seems too small to handle the croupy cough, fever and vomiting. its especially hard when he pulls back, looks me straight in the eye and starts whimpering. its like he knows that my job as mom is to make him all better...and i'm not holding up my end of the deal. it doesn't help that because of sleep deprivation, i can't get ahold of my emotions. so jaden and i just lay down together and cry.

there is some good to this though.
1. its the first time i've had to trust jaden to God in reality and not just theory. 2.i've been able to spend the past 2 days doing nothing but holding jaden and taking care of him...its shown me that my daily schedule, lack of shower and messy house are nothing in comparison to my baby boy.
3.i again see what an incredible man i have married, and how i could never do this without him.
4. i get to see jaden stripped down to his diaper (trying to cool off his fever). seriously, this kid is so cute. i don't know if there is anything cuter than an almost naked baby. i would say completely naked babies are cuter...but they pee on you. i much prefer the diaper.

so i'll survive... and so will jaden.