Eleven

Mom's heart stopped beating at 11:00 am seven days ago. Currently it is 10:35am. I feel like I'm getting ready to go break up with a boyfriend that has no idea it is coming. It has to be done, but I'm deeply dreading it. 11:00 is coming whether I want it or not. 

Should I keep myself busy and distracted? Should I sit here and wait? How should I act? If I allow it all to run through my mind again, will that keep my mind spinning or will it help? 

Who wrote the manual for this? Anybody? I wasn't ready to be alone in my house today. I wasn't ready for any of this. I want to make a joke to ease the tension I feel, but it's really weird to tell yourself a joke.

"How do you Top a car?" 

"You Tep on the break Tupid."

Yeah, that was weird. 

But in fairness, all of this is weird. And hard. And a little Tupid.