why you don't argue with a 3 year old

This morning Parker and I had a discussion about what clothes matched.

"Mommy, we can't wear brown pants. It no match."

"Parker, you need to trust me."

"But it no match Mommy."

"Do you understand that I am smarter than you and I know things that you don't know?"

"You no 'marter. And I am cute and no 'marter."

She wore the brown pants. She and I both walked away thinking we had won.

Ugly Faces and Nerds

I had a friend at college, I will call her Roma because I don't know anyone by that name (is that even a human name?). She and I got along early on our freshman year...and then I began to notice a disturbing trend. When our group of friends would go to the cafeteria to eat, I wouldn't get a call to join them. Roma would then plan outings and "forget" to invite me. I was starting to get nudged out. This happened slowly and I think it is dumb to fight when it comes to this sort of thing so I kept my mouth shut and started developing other friendships.

But every once in awhile Roma and I would find ourselves hanging out with everyone. One night we were all together and laughing hard about who knows what (it was probably juvenile because as I mentioned we were freshmen). Roma and I were both laughing and she looks at me, points and says, "Suzanne, your face is so ugly when you laugh."

Try as I might I can not get that out of my head every time I laugh.

Another time I remember her saying in front of everyone, "You sure go on a lot of dates, but the guys you date are so nerdy." I am currently laughing (and probably looking hideous) because thinking back, both those things are potentially true.

There is something else I remember vividly. I had/have a friend named Suzy (real name) who was part of that freshman troupe. We never spoke about Roma, but I think she noticed on some level what was going on. She started to call and make sure I was invited when they were going to eat or go on some excursion. My other friends didn't do that, not because they didn't like me...but because they didn't see it. But Suzy noticed and she did something about it.

I want to be like that. I want to pay attention like that.

By the way, Roma and I are cool. We got along fine as we got older and settled in to our college thing. In fact, since I think about her almost every time I laugh she might be the person I think about the most from college. The exception being my husband of course. And for the record, I may have dated a lot of nerds early on...but I ended up with the coolest one who loves me and my ugly laughing face.

I want more

This week Jaden and I were having conversation in the car about why I didn't always allow him to get more ipad apps, even when they are free. I explained how everything around us tells us that we need more things, more stuff, and only through that will we find happiness.

He mentioned he has realized when he gets a toy he's wanted for a very long time he gets bored of it pretty quickly and he wants something new.

Exactly.

I asked him if there is anything in the world that would make him happy forever. He paused, thought and said, "Jesus." What a good pastor's kid. We discussed what satisfaction meant and that learning about God, following God and trusting God is the only thing in life that brings real joy and happiness.

His response was, "Wow, I want all of that God stuff!"

Exactly.

You know what? Me too. I also want Jaden's purity and passion. His ability to trust without a hint of skepticism or irony. Once I tried to explain the Holy Spirit to one of my friends, and the whole time I was talking a voice in my head was saying, "This sounds ridiculous."

But who cares? I know God is the only reason I am who I am. I know that I am selfish mess on my own. So why do I hesitate? Jesus said to come to Him as a child. I understand why.

Raising children has taught me more about my sinfulness than any other thing. I have had to rely on God desperately in ways I never imagined. It has forced me into His Word. And crazy thing...the Word is changing me. You may not see it, but it is there. I trust like I've never trusted before. My passion is more pure than it ever has been. I still don't have what Jaden has, but I'm closer to that than ever before.

I want all of that.

further college rememberences...

How is this for a story opening?

"Once upon a time there was girl who received a nomination for homecoming court her sophomore year of college."

hmmm, seems to fall flat...maybe it is because I used "college" and "homecoming court" in the same sentence.

And yes, I was nominated and it was flattering, but I had some reservations and concerns.

A- Why does a university even have homecoming queen?
B- You have to talk in front of people about being nominated and why you are worthy of it. That is a terrible thing to make someone say.
C- You have to deal with people thinking that you care that you didn't win and being really careful around you because you may be sensitive about it. And how do you explain to someone that you don't care without sounding like you do?

All the nominees had to give a speech (see above point B). What are you supposed to say and how do you prepare for something like that? So I didn't prepare, I just went up and talked. One of my close friends, Nan, was also nominated and gave a speech. While we were discussing afterward, one of our guy friends congratulated her on a great speech (she ended up winning). He then said, "I really didn't like the girl that was up there and just kept talking and talking. I didn't think she was ever going to stop."

There was silence. I said, "Ummmm Cory, are you referring to me?"

More silence.

Yes, he was referring to me...and yet my speech bored him so thoroughly that he didn't even remember it was me. It was delightfully awkward for a few moments after that.

Every time I prepare to speak publicly I think of Cory's words. I am grateful because it has helped me recognize early on the importance of being prepared and to the point lest someone wipe me from their memory completely...again.

It is time to come clean

This post has been a long time coming. I don't even know if I'm ready to write about this yet. It is one of those things that isn't a big deal in the scope of life, and it isn't even relevant anymore...but when I think about it I still get ill.

I appreciate that I was raised not taking myself too seriously and not getting too bent out of shape about things. I will be the first person to make fun of myself or tell an embarrassing story that makes me look ridiculous. But there was this one time....

Years ago I managed a crepe shop. It was owned by a very nice wealthy man who liked crepes and decided to build a restaurant so he could eat them there. He had a good sense of humor, but he was also very particular in the way our shop looked and was perceived. I am not exaggerating when I say that it was more important to him that the spot on one of our chairs be removed, than the inventory be counted and the ordering be correct.

Since our shop was new to the area, we liked publicity and if it happened to be free...well, then all the better. My friend knew a guy at the local city paper (not the official one, but the artsy one where you read stuff about beer and dance clubs) and called him up to see if he was interested in doing an article on our shop. He was. My boss was excited about this opportunity and asked if I could do the interview because he was going to be in India for a few weeks. Cool. No problem. I helped put this shop together with the owner so I knew this place inside and out.

The journalist guy showed up with a photographer at the shop a few days later. We got along really well and joked and laughed and talked about the crepe shop, the employees, our uniforms (we had to wear berets) how hot it was in the shop, our favorite crepe to make, and a little about my son (he was with me and looking crazy cute with his 6 month old self). The photographer was great too and after he snapped a couple of shots we said our goodbyes. I felt great about the interview.

I don't remember how long it was before the article came out, but I do know my boss was still in India. We were all excited to see this 2 page spread on our great little place. And then I got a strange call at the shop. It was early, in fact I think it was before we opened, I know it was still dark out...but anyways, I answered it.

Me- "Hello?"
Creepy voice - "Hi. Is this Suzanne from Ooh La La Crepes?"
Me- "Yes?"
Creepy voice - "Well, I just read your article in the City Pulse and wanted to tell you that I thought it was a great interview and even though I've never been there before, I now want to try your restaurant."
Me - "Uh...great. Thank you."
Creepy Voice - "That is all. Goodbye."

Strange for sure, but what struck me as even stranger was that I hadn't even seen the article yet. That changed later that day. The City Pulse showed up and I tore into it. The first thing I noticed was the huge picture of me. It startled me a little bit, but not as much as what I was about to encounter in the article. It is difficult for me to quote what was said for a couple of reasons, one being that it was many years ago and the other is that I have been trying to purge that article from my mind since the moment I read it. What I do remember clearly is the growing dread as I read further and further and then the panic that hit when I was done.

Here are some of the things that I was quoted as saying.

"The uniforms aren't very popular with the employees, but the customers like them...they are better than the french maid uniforms that our owner originally suggested"

"Yeah, it gets so hot in here that the food inspector (jokingly) told me that we don't even need to salt our crepes, our sweat will do that."

(Glancing over at my son)"My son really dislikes the berets too. I make him wear it because I think it's funny."

and so on and so on....

I threw away all the papers in our shop.

Even my loving supportive employees, although finding much humor in the article, told me that I was toast when the boss man read it. I was pissed at first at the interviewer and felt like I had been mislead, and then I recognized that although he could have spun it better, those were direct quotes from me. I was screwed. I was an idiot.

And what was with the creep voice guy? It could have been some weirdo who likes to get the paper hot off the press and then call all the people in it because he is lonely...or I like to think the journalist guy paid a homeless man to call me once he realized I may not be to happy with the result of the article. I'll never know.

How does the story end? Well, as far as I know the boss never read the damning article. He kept asking me to find a copy of it...and I just couldn't produce one. He was irritated with my ineptness at locating the article, but given the circumstances I'll take irritation.

So there it is. I gave a horrible interview, made myself and my business look like a joke and then hid it from my boss.

The purge is now complete.

Because I'm amazing, that's why

Today I was standing in the bathroom with the door open doing my hair. Jaden was standing directly outside of the bathroom talking to Parker. I heard him say, "Oh Parker, you are such a little shrimp." He then turns (note that he only has to turn around, not run across the house or even the room to see me) around and says, "Hey mom, I just called Parker a new name. You know what it is?"

"Uh..is it Little Shrimp?"

He throws his hands up in the air and says, "GRRR, why is it you know everything?!"