Harley with sidecart here I come

There are many redeeming qualities about my Scion. Today I cannot think of a one.

I attempted to travel through 1 inch of snow on our neighborhood street today and you would have thought I was trying to take it parasailing. I think I actually heard it laughing at me as I attempted to brake at a stop sign. Two minutes down the road I realize that I've left my purse at home, so I pull into the nearest parking lot to turn around. Like an idiot I assume it will turn when I ask it to turn, but it decides to go straight ahead into the nearest curb instead. Mind you, I am traveling the speed of a constipated turtle.

What really gets me is the "traction control" alert goes off. Which means it annoyingly beeps at me while I'm sliding into the curb. Can someone explain (really don't) to me the point of "traction control?" I thought it was intended to help and by help I mean not beeping at me to tell me what I already know...that I have lost control of my traction. Thank you for that information Scion. Here is a thought, how about you help me have some some actual traction?

Now, I know there are some out there who are already judging my driving skills (and lets be honest, my gender) for this unfortunate accident. I would like to invite you to drive my Scion...after signing a legal waiver and a preemptive apology of course.