the soul of a man

Jaden had a fish, emphasis on "had." This morning Dan and I found the fish of 4 years unmoving in his fishbowl. Any of you who have been around here know that I don't have an attachment to this fish...at all, but the big green-eyed 5 year old who lives here does. I discovered this attachment when I tried to convince Jaden a year ago that the fish would be happier if we flushed it and allowed to be free and with his friends. Well, that conversation didn't go well, so we had to wait for nature to run its course.

It ran its course today.

I was tempted to flush it before Jaden woke up, but Dan and I decided against that. Jaden woke up shortly after Dan left for work.

He was his typical slow, sweet cuddly self so i scooped him up and told him what had happened. we walked over to the fish bowl together. Jaden looked at him for a minute or so and quietly began to cry. He walked away and sat down on the stair step. I followed and sat behind him and asked if he wanted to be alone. He shook his head no, so I sat there with him. I talked about how it was okay to be sad, and that he didn't need to be embarrassed to cry. He didn't respond, just sat and cried a bit more. I followed him downstairs to watch Sesame Street for a few minutes. He asked if I could get the fish bowl down for him, so we went back upstairs and I handed him the fishbowl with the dead fish still in it.

He walked it to the bathroom, I lifted the lids and Jaden freed the blue betta to his watery grave.

We then made cupcakes and icing to celebrate the fish's life (well, he was celebrating the life...I may have been celebrating something else).

I saw a glimpse today of the man he is going to be. I also found him studying the toilet bowl scared to sit on it to do his business ...so the 5 year old is still there too.

I'm glad we didn't flush the fish before he woke up, but it sure is tempting as a parent to want to protect them from that pain, to brush it aside like its not a big deal in hopes they don't hurt as badly. i don't think that works well for the long run.