strange things happen in bed

...i'm not talking about that...perverts.

this morning i was laying in bed thinking, and i started remembering a bunch of memories from college. i hadn't thought about this stuff for a long time...so it was weird. and even stranger was that all my memories were from times when i had been hurt, ignored, or treated selfishly. i don't have a clue why, in fact i thought maybe (bear with me, i was still half asleep) that God wanted me to see that there was pain in those experiences that i've never dealt with.

but i don't feel any pain (not like..."i'm so numb from all the pain inflicted on me, i don't feel anything." its more like, "i don't feel altered or affected by those times.") i always knew that a lot of my friends didn't know me that well. i played a role that they needed, it was usually the stable peacekeeper, and that was fine with me. i had other people in my life who did know me...really know me, so i didn't feel the need for my other friends to accept all of me or know me deeply.

so my "God wants me to experience the pain and heal" theory doesn't really fit.

But it has made me all the more grateful for the people in my life who have been unconditional. so maybe that was the point.

look at me...always trying to find a point. that means i'm lame.