this stuff is confusing.
so this is the God i know and like: He saves us...He loves us...He sent His boy to earth to show me His love.
and this is the God that scares the pee out of me: The God that hangs out in Joshua (the book in the Bible). This God brutally wipes out nations. I know the Israelites had to claim their "promised land" i'm just wondering why the promised land had to have so many people already there. couldn't the promised land have been some secret unihabited land that God suddenly reveals to the Israelites after all their wandering? i'm guessing they were pretty tired from all their travels...it probably would have been nice for them to sit down on some soft grass and take a swig of that flowing honey instead of suiting up for battle.
yes, i understand that through this nations saw that God was the true God, and men feared His power. and yes...i believe that God is a Holy and powerful God. and yes...i know that God is much bigger than me.
i guess its just starting to set in. the God i serve is scary. not the kind of nightmare scary that makes me want to run away...but the kind of scary that makes me want to be on His side and let Him go first in battle. the kind of scary that makes me not want to mess with Him too much.
my mom-in-law sent me a great writing from Ravi Zacharias. in it, he poses the question of when is it proper to be angry with God and question what He is doing, and when is it proper to just trust and refute your feelings with truth? good question. scary God would tell me to just trust, and loving God would tell me to be honest and raw with Him. the part that blows my mind is that He is both. i know i learned this in my theology classes...but about an hour ago i actually tried sitting down and thinking about this. how can one being terrify the poop out of me and yet be the only thing i want to run to? in God i'm completely unworthy and completely accepted.
and when i tried to really think about this, my head started to hurt and i wanted to take a nap.
yup...a nap. i don't exercise my inner being that much. i must have been out of shape.
1 comment:
excellent post (it kinda has tied my brain in a knot though) - scary God makes me want to please Him, to do things right and show in all things that I am a woman after His own heart... and loving God tells me that the flawed, selfish, broken little girl I am today is enough for Him to send His Son for me. I get stuck in this place a lot - when is it that we should be striving to change and grow and when are we okay to be ourselves the way we are today?
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