'tis the season for task lists

are you kidding me? its here already?! i have too much to do...way too much.

i'm just not feeling the holiday joy.

look out scrooge, there's a new ba humbug in town.

forbidden christmas gifts are yummy

i got hungry

i confess

i'm weak

it looked pretty, and i knew that it held great treasure

so i did it

i unwrapped the gift i bought for my friend

and i ate the chocolate inside

it was good...oh so good.

strange things happen in bed

...i'm not talking about that...perverts.

this morning i was laying in bed thinking, and i started remembering a bunch of memories from college. i hadn't thought about this stuff for a long time...so it was weird. and even stranger was that all my memories were from times when i had been hurt, ignored, or treated selfishly. i don't have a clue why, in fact i thought maybe (bear with me, i was still half asleep) that God wanted me to see that there was pain in those experiences that i've never dealt with.

but i don't feel any pain (not like..."i'm so numb from all the pain inflicted on me, i don't feel anything." its more like, "i don't feel altered or affected by those times.") i always knew that a lot of my friends didn't know me that well. i played a role that they needed, it was usually the stable peacekeeper, and that was fine with me. i had other people in my life who did know me...really know me, so i didn't feel the need for my other friends to accept all of me or know me deeply.

so my "God wants me to experience the pain and heal" theory doesn't really fit.

But it has made me all the more grateful for the people in my life who have been unconditional. so maybe that was the point.

look at me...always trying to find a point. that means i'm lame.

boys are stinky

we are hosting poker tonight, my bathroom smells.

i got confused on the time tonight, and i thought it was later than it was so i ended up putting jaden to bed 1 hour earlier than i meant to. oops. he seemed pretty alert...but i thought he was faking. too bad that he doesn't know how to talk. he could have reasoned with me. but talk he cannot, so in bed he stays.

it has taken me 20 minutes to write this so far. apparently my head isn't working quite correctly tonight. this is why i shouldn't blog daily.

ooh la la is really done now

just an update on the ongoing saga that is Ooh La La Crepes...

it has closed it doors once again. the new owner didn't feel like investing the money it needed for the long run. so there it goes again. it was a nice time...but man, a whole lot of drama for a place that hasn't even been open a year.

my legs don't fit under this desk

i like wearing heels to work, but when i do my legs hit the pull out keyboard. i have to say it isn't the most comfortable position for 8 hours.

so i don't know if i mentioned it before, but i'm speaking at a conference at our church in april. that is why i'm trying to read the book previously mentioned (it is getting better...but i'm far from loving it). Pretty daunting task to tell you the truth. i'm excited because i know this was a God thing (too long of a story to tell you why i know), but i'm very intimidated by the task. i guess i'm scared that i'm going to take this God thing and turn it into poo. i'm not a public speaking virgin or anything like that...its just this feels like a bigger deal-like if i screw this up i'll single-handedly destroy the women at our church. okay, that was a bit over the top, but you get the idea.

so this is what i need from all of you out there. write me and tell me about the worst time when you fell on your face. that way, when i mess this up, i can still revel in the fact that i'm not as big of a loser as you. sound good?

Captivating?

I'm reading a book that has been highly recommended to me from many women. i'm struggling with it. it may be that the book was too hyped or that i haven't read enough (i'm only into the 2nd chapter). i don't think i'm too good for the book. on the contrary i'm bumming that i'm not connecting with it.

sometimes i think something is wrong with me. let me change that...sometimes i think i'm missing something. i know that i'm a woman. i do women things (be warned...sweeping generalizations and a bit of sexism to follow). i have emotions...lots of them. i cry at mushy stuff. i like doing domestic things. i like raising my child and supporting my husband.

so why in the crap can't i enjoy this book?